Migration

I was cleaning the kitchen, when I noticed there were ducks in our swimming pool.  Ducks!  In our pool! And man, oh man, was this a gorgeous pair of Mallards.  We have the suspicion that these are the SAME ducks that come specifically to our house every year during their migration period. 

Do we each go through our own migration periods?  Whether physically, mentally, or spiritually?  I think so.  In fact, I KNOW that I've gone through a migration spiritually within the past few years, and I like to believe that I'll go through that migration often.  There are people who move away for school, only to move back to their hometown after a few years and settle there.  Which brings me to another thought: Is migration temporary?  Are we all going to return to our home roots?  Do I want to settle here in the AZ?  I wouldn't mind it.  Arizona is my home and always will be 'home' to me.  However, I strongly believe that people make a home for themselves wherever they go.

I guess I should give an explanation to this rambling.  I've been restless.  And stuck in a routine.   

AND I HATE IT.  

I've never been one to sit still for too long; always moving on to the next job, project, or location.  I couldn't wait to move out when I graduated high school.  After 6months though I was ready to move back and move on.  After another year of bouncing between jobs, I found THE job.  A job that I love to do, and I can't believe I've been there for almost a year now!

But, it's a routine.  I'm in a slump.  I'm in a rut.  I've buried myself in a hole of routine, and dare I say, boredom.  I don't want to be bored.  I don't want to be unhappy.  And right now, I am.  I want to be free!! I want to be like the ducks, popping back in to routine once a year during migration.  I want to roam and travel and find myself in the middle of nowhere.  

Unfortunately, there is no conclusion to this post.  At least, not right now.  I'm still trying to figure out the next move, which is sometimes the hardest part.  Any suggestions?

Am I Worthy?

As most of you know, the Gilbert Temple is now open! And will be dedicated next week!! Super exciting, and I loved being able to go through it during the open house. 

 Absolute STUNNER of a building, am I right?  

I was sitting at church a couple weeks ago, and for some reason, started to think about the temple recommend questions one gets asked when they're of age and maturity to go through the temple. (Whether for baptisms or our own endowments).  You're asked questions like whether you believe in Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father, if you have a testimony that Joseph Smith was a prophet and if you have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, etc.  But there's one question that I kept coming back to.  Where you're asked if YOU think you're worthy to enter into the House of the Lord, to partake of those sacred covenants, and participate in the wonderful ordinances that take place there.

AM I WORTHY?

For some unknown reason, this question has been on my mind a lot!  Dictionary.com states the adjective 'worthy' as "Having adequate or great merit, character, or value."  Am I worthy?  The noun 'worth', again from dictionary.com, is "Excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem."  The example was "women of worth."  Am I worthy?

Am I worthy of being described as a woman of worth?  Am I worthy of being a friend, sister, daughter, aunt, niece, granddaughter, and neighbor to those around me?  Am I worthy, when the time comes, to be a mother to some of God's precious children?  Am I worthy to help lead the women in my ward?  Am I worthy to stand and teach them some of the principles of the Gospel?  Am I worthy for Christ to have suffered for my sins and afflictions and then die on the cross for me?  Am I worthy to go into the temple; the House of the Lord?

Folks, I may not be worthy of all those things, that's true, but I realized something. 

I am WORTH it.

I am! And so are you!!  We are all worth it in the eyes of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  We were worth His pain and suffering while he was in the Garden.  What makes that worth any different now than back then?

You are worth all the happiness in the world, and then some!  And not only that, but you deserve all the happiness in the world.  You deserve to know how much Christ and our Heavenly Father loves you.  You are worth all the love they can give you.  And trust me, they can give quite a lot!  I have found so much peace and confidence by remembering that I have a whole team of angels on my side.  And realizing that helps me to remember my infinite worth.  We are all so amazing in different ways!  We all have a cheering section up in the heavens that is PACKED with people rooting for us!  Do you think they believe we're not worthy of their support and love?  
Whenever life gets you down, just remember: you ARE worth it.  You all have INFINITE worth in the eternal eyes of our Lord.  Don't give up!  You might not be worthy at the moment, but you sure are worth it. 

Happy Birthday

No, today is not my day of birth.  At least, not in the physical sense.  Today is my 2year anniversary of moving back home. 

 Two years ago, I was sitting in the back of my mom's mini van, driving on the 87, headed back to the AZ.  Two years ago, I was terrified out of my mind.  I wasn't supposed to be going back home!  I was supposed to still be at school, getting my Paralegal certification.  I was supposed to be living life, maybe finding a cutie to marry, and ready to start my career in law.  

WELL. 

That didn't happen, obviously, and I am so happy my life didn't turn out the way I imagined!!

I'll be honest.  There have been times where life has kind of sucked.  There were many times when I just wasn't happy at all.  I would often wonder WHY.  Why did I come back to Arizona?  Why did I drop my life in Utah to come back to this??  This isn't any easier than it was in Utah!  At least in Utah I could 'be myself'.  Let me tell you something: living a life of sin, being unable to look anyone in the eye because of how guilty you feel (ALL THE TIME), is not 'being yourself'.  It's taken me two years to realize this.  I've learned that I am the most comfortable being myself when I'm around people who lift me up.  And where else can I find those people than in my own home?  I've learned recently that nothing should ever come between you and your family.  Without my family, I wouldn't be here today.  I wouldn't be in Arizona, and I most certainly would not be happier than I've been in years.

So yes, these two years have been FULL of trial, heartache, pain, and tears.  Many, many tears.  But I've been able to experience, first hand, the saving power of Christ's Atonement.  In the past two years, I have learned who I really am.  And who I WANT to be.  I've learned more in the past two years than I have my entire life.  I've learned that through the wonderful act of repentance, that we can get back to Christ.  Yes, it will be difficult.  And yes, it may take a long time.  But how amazing is it that no matter how far you've gone astray, that you CAN COME BACK.  If I've learned anything in the past 20 years of life, it's that you aren't truly living until you're living with the Light of Christ in you.  Two years ago, today, I found out that I wasn't living.  I was merely existing.  So today, I'm celebrating my second birthday.  I am 2 years old, and I can't wait to grow old with my Savior; to learn all that He has in store for me, and to be able to teach His love to those around me.
I encourage all of you to focus on having Christ's light in you.  Strive to be like Him.  Be a light unto others that they may be able to experience true life and true joy.  We can do this, guys.  (:

A confession

Hello.  My name is Sarah Merkley, and I deal with anxiety. 

And if that isn't a way to open a post, I don't know what is! In all honesty, this post has been on my mind, and in my drafts, for a LONG time.  Most of you might say: "No big deal. I get anxious some times, too." But, this isn't your average taking a test or giving a presentation anxiety. The anxiety I deal with is crippling and draining.  

I have two experiences I want to share with you. The first is part of the reason that my anxiety became a present concern. The other is a time when I had an attack in public.

One:
 Two and a half years ago, I moved up to Utah to go to school and work in Salt Lake City. I had just graduated high school and ready to start my life. Shortly after moving there, I was in a near-fatal accident on the freeway. I was driving my friend's car, and it was during rush hour.  I checked my blind spot because I was wanting to pass this gas-tanker semi in front of me. I looked back, and the said semi was no more than 2 feet in front of the car. I walked away with one scratch, on my neck, from the seat belt.  I don't say this to brag about my 'near death' experience. I say this, because I hate being in cars.  I hate driving. And I especially hate driving on the freeways. I highly doubt I'll ever get over this, because being in a car is such a common thing! Because of the accident, I have become quite paranoid whenever I'm driving. I won't budge the car until everyone has a seat belt on; because without my seat belt, I would have died. I've come to that realization, and it's a fear I deal with every day.

Two:
 I was asked to be part of my friend's wedding last fall.  We had a small family dinner the night before, and as part of the bridal party, I was expected to be there.  Which I did! I chatted a bit with the others in the party, had some refreshments, etc.  As we sat down to eat the dinner, I freaked.  And to this date, I don't know what it was that caused me to freak out.  All I know is that my chest got really tight, like there wasn't enough air to breathe.  And my vision started to spin around.  I walked out, sat down in a quiet room with the lights out, TRYING to make myself calm down.  Nothing helped, so I left stating that I was "feeling sick".  Which was partially true.  

What do these two stories have in common?  Besides they both happened to me, not much.  For the longest time, I thought that I was the only one around me that had these problems!  I felt so helpless and alone, and I started to retreat into myself.  I didn't think anyone would be able to help me get over these issues.  It wasn't until I started to drop weight, not just lose it, that I realized something needed to be done.  I was making myself sick because of my stress, depression, and anxiety.  So, I called up my doctor.  He and I talked about my symptoms, and he shared with me that this is actually a pretty normal thing.  I read somewhere that 15 million Americans suffer from social anxiety alone, and 40 million US adults suffer from anxiety. I AM NOT ALONE.  We decided the best action for me to help me move forward, but we also discussed that this is something I will deal with for the rest of my life. 

Guys.  I deal with anxiety.  It's a mental illness.  Coming to terms with this fact was just the beginning.  Yes, I still hate being in cars, and YES I hate social functions.  These are things I have to try to get over, for as long as I live.  But, this weekend, I realized that trying is all that matters.  Trying, and trusting that God knows me better than I know myself.  This is obviously a trial that I have to deal with, for some unknown reason.  But it's only unknown to ME.  He knows that I'm going through this.  He knows that this is hard for me.  But I know that He's there for me.  I know that I can do this.  I can fight this illness, because of Him. 

Sunday walks at the Temple

When I accepted my calling as a counselor in my Relief Society Presidency, I understood that my Sundays were no longer my own.  And I LOVE that I get to be serving the wonderful people in my ward every Sabbath! but sometimes, like tonight, I'm very grateful that I had an empty schedule.

Tonight, I was able to go and walk around the majestic building that is the Mesa, Arizona Temple.  I went a little earlier than usual, and I'll get to that, but it was a gorgeous night tonight, so it doesn't really matter!  I was able to sit on the grass right next to the temple, and just wright in a little notebook that I have.  and I wanted to share that with you! So, here are my ramblings, word-for-word, from tonight (:

      This, my friends, is peace.  TRUE peace.  Being able to be in the presence of the temple of God is an amazing feeling!! I love living so close to this amazing building.  Just thinking about the amazing covenants being made inside gives me chills!
     Guys.  LISTEN.  There's a reason why so many people come here. even if just to walk the grounds! I know, that whenever I walk in the gates, that I am safe.  That I am HOME.  That's a big deal for me! I never really feel at home, or at peace, until I'm here.  And to think that someday I'll be married here??  I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL to get to do that!!
     But guys. here's the best part:
y'all can get here too!! yes, it may take time, but I can already tell it'll be SO worth it!  if there's one thing I can say, it's this: GUYS. IT'S WORTH IT.

lovealways, Sarah Merkley (:

PS. what is YOUR favorite temple? (:

The Book Club and the Introvert

Guys, I did it.  I joined a book club! This has been something I've wanted to do for a looooong time. Because, well, I LOVE BOOKS. Seriously, they're the greatest thing since sliced bread.  and I was super excited for our first book, which was Ender's Game. (P.S. read it if you haven't!) I love this book and I can't wait to see the movie!

But what I didn't count on was the actual meeting part of the book club.  I have to go to someone's house, with OTHER people, and discuss this book. like, what? no. no no no. NO. 
I don't do that! I'm not super dooper shy, but I am quite introverted.  There was nooooo way that I was going to go meet with a bunch of my peers; many of them I didn't even know! this was scary stuff, guys.

however, I toughed it up and made my way over there... until I didn't know what the key code was..and then until I couldn't figure out which house it was..I almost turned around and went home close to 5times.  but this little voice inside my heart kept telling me to try.  and that was the most important thing! I TRIED.  and I had a blast! I got to meet some amazing women and I can't wait for our next meeting! (P.S. it's The Book Thief.  one of my top fives, for sure)

folks, listen.  things can be EXTREMELY SCARY.  kind of like riding a bike for the first time. you remember that feeling? but the wonderful thing is, before you know it, your dad isn't holding on to you anymore and you're riding all by yourself! 

isn't life wonderful?

so, here's my weekly challenge for you.. (this is a new thing, I hope it sticks!) go out there and TRY something intimidating or scary.  yes, you might fail, but it's an experience for you to grow from!

tell me how everything goes! I can't wait to hear about y'all trying new things (:

364

yesterday was hump day.
yup. he's been gone for OVER one year now. yesterday was a pretty cool day for me.  I spent the day going through the past year, seeing how much I have changed, and getting to love how much he's changed.

people may ask: "Well, Sarah? how? how have you changed?"
to which I'll give a slight chuckle to myself and say: "Let me show you!"

folks, I am so happy to say that I've grown closer to my Lord and Savior in this past year.  It was in NO WAY easy, but it's a path I'm proud of.  Not only that, but I finished a year of college! WOOHOO!! that was a big one.  I was so worried about going back to school last semester, but I know that because I put institute classes in the middle of my days, that I was able to make it. (that, and crazy long hours trying to finish homework) I got a new job, and it's a job that I enjoy doing! I feel like I really have a 'work family' now.  I'm really excited to get to grow and learn even more with this job!!

here's a big one: I got called to serve in my Relief Society Presidency as the 3rd counselor.  that was scary, getting that calling.  for a while, I had thought about a mission.  but I kept going back to when the announcement came out about lowering the missionary ages, and how I had prayed about serving.  at that time, the Lord said that it wasn't my time to go.  a few weeks ago, about 2weeks into my new calling, I realized why.  serving the wonderful women in my ward IS my mission.  even if I'm only there for a couple months, or a year, it's what I'm supposed to do.  I wasn't supposed to go anywhere else but here. 

this year, I turned 20. and I actually feel that age.  I became best friends with my family, and continue to do so every day.  I went up to the mountains, multiple times, and found myself each time.  I got an iPhone and said "HELLO!" to the world of smartphones.  I've watched countless movies, fallen in love with celebrities, and taken silly pictures with those around me.  

I've learned how to laugh at myself, to find joy in the simple things.  to be happy, truly happy, with who I am.  I don't know about you, but I am SO excited to show him who I've become.  not only that, but I'm so thrilled to be able to have another year of finding and becoming who I really am!

RENOVATE

Folks, I know I haven't been posting lately. like, at all. and I apologize for that. I've been renovating a bunch; mostly with personal issues, and a few with this blog.
I'm really excited to switch things up around here at the sketchyres. most of the changes will come with the template and format of the blog.  I've been feeling for a while that I need to make things more cohesive, make an easier flow.

ANYWAYS, things are coming! especially tomorrow! I've got a great post I've been working on and can't wait to share it with you! stay tuned!!

AWOL

hey there. I've been missing for a while. Life can give you some pretty big changes in 3months.  Here's an update!
APRIL:
new job. LOVING it!
met this cool teacher - awesome dreads as well
I dressed like Flo from Progressive, got an afro, AND cornrowed mah hurr. 
I still have my undercut.

MAY:
finished the semester! not too happy with my grades, but they're passable
went to a wicked concert at the Crescent Ballroom (woot woot, go Murrieta!)
I turned TWENTY. it was pretty cool (:
fell in like.
upgraded to an iPhone. that was a BIG DEAL.
fell out of like. (that happens a lot)

JUNE:
swimmingggggg
went to the Science Center with darling Taylor Hatch and saw the Da Vinci exhibit! #nerdalert
I ride my mom's old cruiser to work everyday. in scrubs. I'm a hot commodity.  
fell back into like. (geez. will it ever stop??)
started listening to the Book of Mormon on my bike rides to work.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
I'm loving life right now. I've been crazy busy, and I absolutely love it.  thankfully, things will be slowing down a bit. not too much though (: I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the friends I have! without them, my crazy and fun life wouldn't be possible!

WHERE

I don't know about y'all, but I feel like there is NO ONE with facial hair this month. at least not any cool looking beards/moustaches.  that makes me really sad! it seems like the guys got all hyped up about NoShaveNovember and Moustache March (understandable), and then suddenly decided to shave every day?

seriously? let's be real, here. 

If I hate shaving so much, then there's no way that guys LIKE shaving. every male I've talked to isn't a fan of it!

this is my rant: I want pictures of men with facial hair. if you'd like to be possibly featured on this super cool blog, FIND ME. I will take a picture with you, and you might be April's Beard of the Month.

 WHERE'S THE BEARDS?

WEEKEND

this weekend was crazy busy. and I loved every minute of it!

Friday:
-I didn't do much during the day, but I was able to go see my new favorite band, Murrieta, play at Highland High School's Relay for Life! {their Facebook page is here} 
it was SO cool to see so many students, parents, faculty members, etc. get together for such a great cause! 
 {and we got the set lists signed, AND t-shirts!}



Saturday:
-went to Starbucks with one of my BEST friends {we're basically sisters} and had a lovely chat!
-that night, I went and hiked A Mountain for the first time! I went with a bunch of friends, one of whom is leaving on Monday for Utahrd {buh bye, Trav-a-lavis:( } but it was SUCH a blast to be with him for a few hours! I also took pictures of my absolute favorite couple: Rea & Double A Ron. (:

Sunday:

-church and my sister's birthday. {Happy birthday, Becca!} testimony meeting was AMAZING. Every single testimony shared went straight to my heart! I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! yes, it's a doozy to write, but it's the greatest part of my life! 
{you can check out my profile on mormon.org here}

How were y'all's weekends?? comment below and tell me about them! (:

HERCULES

Honey, you mean "Hunk-ules!" 

Warning: Mom, Aunt Paula, Grandma, etc. I'd prefer it if you didn't read this one. I'm embarrassed enough as it is!

STORY TIME:
I do yoga over at MCCool. The last couple times we've met as a class, darling Miya {Crockett} Holladay has come to get hours for her LifeTime Fitness class, again at MCCool. Anywhays. Miya, Heather, and I were all together on Wednesday, being the fantastic yogis that we are, and Miya starts laughing and all I can hear from her whisper is "he...underwear". 
I was so confused! did some guy need his pants pulled up? I thought for sure she meant the newbie who was having some trouble with the poses and flows. and it wasn't until we moved to the top of our mats in Mountain Pose that I understood..

There's a guy in our class that Heather and I have been eyeing. Let's be real here, Heather. He looks like he was chiseled by the gods of yoga! Tall, skinny but not scrawny, beautifully strong muscles, and (the cherry on top) long and flowing curly locks! surriously, a babe. Heather and I dubbed him "Hercules". we were going to go with Adonis, but this kid looks like Herc BEFORE the complete transformation that turned him into "Hunk-ules". Thus, Hercules came about. and he's pretty.

Apparently, on this wonderful Wednesday, Hercules was dared to do yoga. in just his boxers. AND HE DID. in the wise words of Heather Hastings: "Yoga: where one leaves the world and their thoughts at the door, and apparently hot men leave all of their clothing at the door... It's like I'm in a movie."  I'm pretty sure I died and went to yogi-heaven. because I still feel like I'm in a daze. Wednesday was such a blur. I still don't know what to say or how to react! I think the best part was that he didn't even care. neither did our teacher! (she's probably seen weirder things). 

And that is my story. I highly doubt I'll be able to keep a straight face when we meet again on Monday. Oh Hercules, you fill my life with smiles. (:

MARCH

WOW. I haven't blogged in forever! sorry about that! I've had a crazy time with school lately. I'll be better!

ANYWAYS. y'all are here to see the winner of March's Beard of the Month!

let's be real. there was NO competition once I saw this guy. he's got a rockin' moustache. and I'm pretty sure I've never seen a moustache so beautifully carved on someone's face! 
not only that, but because of his stache, I got the guts to go up and talk to him {"canIgetapicturewithyou?"} and then we became besties. (: 
he rides a motorcycle {that lil' story is here}, travels errrywhere, is planning a CRAZY COOL trip to South America, and he's the second coolest person I know. (:

everyone, say hello to Stephen, Moustache Extraordinaire!

thanks for being awesome, Stephen! Stay strong, beard on!

ATTACK

so. here's the story: I tend to get OCD about things. and if those things don't go the way I planned, I over-think and freak out a bit.  I'll get depressed and/or not eat for a day or so. it can get pretty intense, but the worst is when I get anxiety attacks from it.  They leave me unable to function, the blood rushes from my head, and I over-analyze EVERYTHING.  I vent and sometimes yell or cry. well, I had an anxiety attack on Saturday night. and it was really scary for me since I haven't had an attack in ferrreverrrrr.

it was totally stupid, I see that now.  I had planned on going shopping with my mom because she had this awesome coupon.  we didn't know what time they closed, but assumed it would be 9pm since 1-it was a weekend and 2-every other store in the complex closed at 9. well, we got there at 7:45/7:50, and it turns out they closed at 8. I didn't know that when I went in there and started pulling things off the racks to try on. I didn't know until they had to unlock the door to let my mom in.  I panicked. and told my mom that I didn't want to be there, it was pointless, I didn't want to try anything on, etc.  She somehow convinced me to pick on thing and use the coupon on it. and so I picked this dress:

 super cute, right? I thought I would look like trash. but we got it, and I tried it on right when we got home. and I loved it. it fits me really well and the colors are super flattering. 

I FREAKED OUT OVER NOTHING. 

that's what I figured out. yes, I spent the car ride with my head between my knees, ranting and raving about every dumb little thing going on in the world. I don't even remember what I said! it doesn't matter because it was NOTHING.

guys, I know that some things are going on in your lives that you're not okay with it. you may get a little flustered and frustrated and want to shout obscenities to the sky. BUT. just remember that it'll pass. it's something you need to go through so that you can GROW and LEARN and become a better version of YOU. because you are incredible! you are priceless, and don't let any of your trials tell you otherwise. (:

RIDE

GUYS. 

I checked "riding a motorcycle" off my Bucket List this weekend!! 

My friend and I were going to hang out, and he said he would come pick me up on his bike. Naturally, I freaked. because I've never ridden one before, and it's always been on my Bucket List! so I was SUPER excited. and kind of danced around the house a bit. (okay, I danced around a lot.)

anyways, it was like a 3mile loop around the streets by my house and then we went and chilled for a couple hours. BEST DAY EVER. I felt really cool, with one arm around him and the other trying to keep his giant helmet on my head. I felt ALIVE. and I've decided that I want one.

I know this is a super short post, but all I can say about yesterday is that it rocked. and was probably one of my favorite Saturdays of this year! I can't wait for more adventures!!! #ComeAtMeBro

FEBRUARY

Hi, y'all. sorry I forgot to post yesterday! I was sick, again. :P 
BUT I'M FEELING BETTER. and that's all that matters!

anyways. This awesome guy is the winner of my February Beard of the Month! He's in this super cool band called Crash Coordinates. (you can see their Facebook page here) they played at my friend's band's CD release on the 16th. and they know how to get DOWN when it comes to playing live. I had a wicked blast listening and watching them!

not only does he have an awesome beard, but he let me touch it. it was fluffy.

stay tuned for MOUSTACHE MARCH! I'm so stinking excited, surriously.

ME

you've probably seen the "5 things" deal on Instagram. I decided to post 30 things about me that y'all may not know!

1. I love wearing the color black, but not in a "goth" way.
2. I don't have a set "style" of clothing that I wear.
3. I prefer to spend the weekends with my parents than with friends.
4. I love swimming, but have a fear of drowning.
5. I really like being back in school. #nerdalert
6. I hate hair, but am trying to grow my hair out.
7. my family is completely crazy, but I don't know where I would be without them.
8. chocolate covered cinnamon bears are my favorite chocolate treat. (hint, hint;) )
9. I have a journal entry, from when I was 3, that says Pizza and Ice Cream are my favorite foods. annnnd that's still 110% true to this day.
10. my "perfect date" would probably be a movie night, in sweats, watching a movie you've seen before. that way you can still have a small conversation with the person.
11. I love having my brother home from his mission.
12. I paint.
13. I'm a Directioner. and I love everything about One Direction. they're one of my favorite bands right now. (:
14. I don't like cats, but I REALLY want a hairless cat.
15. we were never big into TV shows, but now, we're loving:
     -Person of Interest
     -Elementary
     -Gold Rush
     -Duck Dynasty, among others.
and some of my personal favorites are:
     -Avatar
     -Sherlock
     -Revenge
     -Once Upon A Time
16. I actually love blogging!
17. My dad has become my best friend.
18. I used to hate getting my picture taken. now that I realize you can make funny faces, I don't mind it anymore!
19. I like short hair on guys, but hair on their face. facial hair, allday, anyday.
20. I prefer sleeping in and staying in pajamas all day than going out.
21. I mad crush on Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) and Neville Longbottom (Matt Lewis).
22. I would rather have a nephew than a boyfriend. OH WAIT. I do (:
23. my older sister is my role model. (:
24. I hate feet.
25. I drink water like a fish.
26. I tried to be a vegetarian. I lasted 4months. I LIKE BACON TOO MUCH.
27. I really, really like having my alone time.
28. my younger sister probably gets me better than anyone.
29. I'm super psyched about Psych. (February 27th, baby!)
30. I'm not officially waiting for HIM. I just don't see myself with anyone else, right now.

so, that's me! I'm an open person, so feel free to comment any questions (:

SICKIE

HULLO.
I've been sick, once again, and I know that's not much of an excuse, but I haven't had much motivation to do anything. ESPECIALLY not a blog. *sorrrrryyyyy*. I hope y'all can find it in your hearts to forgive me. 

In the meantime, enjoy this adorable picture of me with the nephew.
PLEASE, stay tuned! (:

CHILDREN

I've had an epiphany in the last 4-6 months that hit me hard on Tuesday.  I was driving my parents to the airport, and we were listening to the radio.  One of the topics that came up was motherhood; specifically that of being a full-time housewife.  According to recent polls, 75% of *working moms would rather divorce their husbands & raise their kids by themselves (all while still working) than quit their jobs and become a housewife. 

Are you kidding me right now?

Here's the thing. a year ago, I might have said the same thing. (Probably not to the extremes of divorce, but you get my drift.)  I wasn't ready to give up my dreams of being successful by having to be a mom. "Having to be"... 
I've been so stupid! You don't "have to be" a mother, you GET TO BE. We get "...a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

This is where my sudden insight comes in.  Six months ago, I wanted to wait after I got married to have children. That way, I could work, travel with my hubs, etc.  Now, all I want in life is to be a mother. I WANT to raise children. I WANT to teach them things. I WANT that sacred calling in life.  Nothing could make me happier than being able to wake my cuties up every single day, make them breakfast, and help them with their homework after school. 

I want a family. I am SO happy and SO blessed that I *finally* came to that conclusion on Tuesday. I'm so happy and blessed that I came to that conclusion while I was with MY parents; the two greatest parents in the world.  I am so lucky that I will get to raise my children in the Church. 

If I've said anything to offend, please forgive me. I know that some women out there are working mothers, and that's 110% okay with me. but for ME, I want to be a full-time housekeeping mom.

CUTTING

so. today I had a big surprise coming. AND I WAS SO EXCITED. I don't really know what else to say about this. sooo maybe I'll just post pictures? I think yes.

SCARED YET? I was! I've been nervous and jumpy ALL.STINKIN.DAY. ohmyword. it wasn't a very fun day when all I could think about was ^^ THIS.

obvs. I got my hairs cut, but where???
HAHA. I'll tell you, I stink at surprises.

obvs. I can't edit pictures. #don'tjudge. BUT, I gots me an undercut. a lovely little way to thin out my hair, without losing my long layers. 

HOLLA TO FREEDOM.